When you spend most of your time with someone who has not grasped the English language past sounds like ‘agoo’ and ‘mmmna’ you find yourself developing some interesting and slightly unnerving habits, these include the following (note that this is not an exhaustive list, there could be a part two to this post!):
- Making up songs to go with every single mundane task that fills your day, this is done mainly to entertain and distract your baby but it becomes a scary reflex and you are soon standing in the supermarket in front of the cereal belting out ‘which muesli should I buy today’ in a jaunty tune.
- Sparking up really enthusiastic conversations with strangers you meet at the cafe… or at the lights… and chatting to them for that bit too long so they start to look uncomfortable, but you just don’t pick up on it till they actually walk away
- Buying snacks that you loved as a kid… I think this may be unique to me but I inhaled an entire box of chocolate space food sticks the other day, I haven’t done that in 15 years!
- Reinterpreting the term ‘it’s still good’ till it has taken on new and highly fluid meaning… spills, vomits & wee on your clothes, slightly off milk when you desperately need a coffee… none of these things are beyond the realm of acceptable to you anymore.
- Expecting everyone to make way graciously for you and your pram and when they don’t you may sometimes… sort of… try to aim for their shins with the pram’s front wheel.
- When standing on the spot for any length of time – say in a bar when you have wrangled an hour between feeds to catch up with a friend – finding yourself rocking back and forth, which makes sense if you are holding a baby, but makes you look like you should be in a padded room when you’re not.